Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
