I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize