You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
