You smell like a Billy Joel song
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
