you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
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We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
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Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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