I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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