dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
