I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
