piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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