I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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