I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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