i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
