I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
