Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize