just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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