My first STD was from a foam party
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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