I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
