Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
