i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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