I would go down on you faster than GM stock
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
