Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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