Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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