There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
