I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He? As in you personified your dick?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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