Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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