Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
