All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
