if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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