do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
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Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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