I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
