her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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