my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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