I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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