I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
