I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Come share oat with me in your robe
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
