Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
