Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
40s are totally the cure
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
