I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
