my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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