I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It was confusing and full of hummus
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you mean i was at the winter classic?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
