We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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