I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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