she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
