last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
