i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
