she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
