I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
