Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
