"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
