Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You ruined the universe
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
