do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
