entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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