When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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