When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
