Its about making memories worth repressing
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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