hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
