is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
