Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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