dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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