If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
