just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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