11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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