My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I need a burrito and a hug.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
