Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
