Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
