Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
