: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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