i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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