i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
