I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
