don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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